Before my surgery, my husband texted: “I want a divorce. I don’t need a sick wife.” The patient in the next bed comforted me. “If I survive this, we should get married,” I said. He nodded. A nurse gasped: “Any idea who you just asked?”
Chapter 1: The Weight of Late November
The city bus shuddered over a jagged pothole, and I instinctively tightened my grip on the canvas bag resting on my knees. It was a reflex, a frantic attempt to protect something fragile, though in reality, I was carrying almost nothing of value. A spare change of cotton underwear, a toothbrush, a paperback book I knew I wouldn’t have the focus to open, and a small mesh bag of Granny Smith apples. The nurse had told me fruit was permissible. It seemed a ridiculous offering to bring to a threshold—the threshold of surgery, of anesthesia, of the very real possibility that I might never draw another breath.
I gazed out the window, watching Arbor Hill blur past in a haze of late November gray. The linden trees lining Main Street had been stripped to their skeletal bones, their last leaves long since surrendered to the gutters. Puddles, glazed with a brittle skin of ice in the dawn hours, were being shattered by the midday traffic. I smelled the familiar, comforting drift of wood smoke from the chimneys on the outskirts and the yeasty, golden aroma of fresh bread from the bakery on the corner.
